I have perfected a very necessary skill. I am able to hock a loogie (large, yellow, ovoid, etc.), while brushing my teeth, without losing most of the toothpaste as collateral damage. This is important because if I need to hock one, let's be real, I'm going to do it. No one just leaves that slippery mucus oyster sitting in the back of one's throat. Completely unacceptable. So we can all agree that it's definitely comin on out. For a soul less talented than me, spitting out the just-hocked loogie means losing 50%-90% of the toothpaste. Now maaaaybe, if you're real far along in the teeth-brushing, just maaaybe, you could get by with only 50% of the original toothpaste, but even that's a stretch. And that's a best case scenario for you amateurs out there. Clearly once we get down to the 10%-30% range, we've reached an impasse, and we're gonna have to spit that shit out and reload the toothbrush up. And no one wants to do that. The subject and tense changes are all important here, so pay attention. (it's worth noting that I said "all important" rather than "all-important". pay attention fuck nugget). Aaaanyway--why do I always click text edit when im going for itunes? tittays!--that loss of a brush sesh is a real setback that neither you nor I have time for. Plus, if that happens, knowing you, you'll probably not even reload back up and finish, you'll just throw in the towel (mixing my bathroom metaphors like a shampoo chemist) and quit early. And that will make you look like Susan Boyle's grundle. Not good. SO? Get like me. Once you have perfected the art of hockin loogs whilst brushin, you won't have to worry about underperforming, or conversely, requiring hours to accomplish an infantile task. IT'S NOT REALLY INFANTILE DON'T LET THEM BRUSH BY THEMSELVES THEY MIGHT SWALLOW (always swallow, please) AND DIE. GIVE THEM A PEA-SIZED AMOUNT AND closely SUPERVISE!!! Notice, closely was in no caps, making it both emphasized and de-emphasized. and I had to put a hyphen in the most recent sentence-culminating word because it was an abutting E situation and we can't be havin none o' them rotten patata heads now can we? Very mature, Rondell.
Now I must away. If you'll excuse me, I have to run home and put some more water in Buck Nasty's Mama's dish.
Peace in Lil' Vietnam yawl.
Stay triller than a piston-like ring-finger rapidly making D sound even better with the juxtaposition with C sharp. NOT COMPUTERS.
commuters.
All praise be to challah. A RIVER THERE CHIEF. (say it fast, you Iroquoian shitbird).
With mild insincerity,
Dr. Drayton Jakisic, M.D.
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